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Notes and Quotes by Tom Morrow

July 31, 2104

by Tom Morrow

A worldwide survey was conducted by the U.N. The only question asked of each nation member was: “Please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage throughout the world?”
Reportedly, the survey was a failure because of a language barrier.
In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And, here in the good ol’ USA we didn’t seem to know what “the rest of the world” meant.

FRACTURED HISTORY – Eighth graders’ read on history:
Money is always a hot topic: “When the Davy Jones Index crashed in 1929 many people were left to political incineration. Some, like John Paul Sart, retreated into extraterrestrialism.”

Never discuss religion unless you know your Torah: “Judyism had one big God named Yahoo.”

This sounds like a frat prank: “Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door.”

Hollywood saved big money on this one by going to the original: “Spartacus led a slave rebellion in ancient Rome and then appeared in a movie about it later.”

English literature can be so complicated: “The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, and comedies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.

Ol’ Bill had a bit of competition: “Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote.”

I always wondered how she did it: “Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.”

Are you sure? “Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, ‘A horse divided against itself cannot stand.’ Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.”

BIG OOPS – That was White Lotus Entertainment that catered last Saturday’s Oceanside Museum of Art’s 20th annual Gala. My mistake. Sorry ‘bout that.

FINAL WORDS – On a Ribbesford, England cemetery tombstone: “Anna Wallace — The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna.”


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