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Notes and Quotes- December 2, 2017

By Tom Morrow

During my two-year stint at the (now defunct) Escondido Times-Advocate, I was lucky to interview two comic legends: Milton Berle and Henny Youngman.

Both encounters were brief, but memorable. I remember one question I asked Youngman was “what will happen to your vast collection of one-liner jokes?

After he’s gone will they fade into obscurity?”

He was fast on the return: “Not as long as Berle’s alive.” (Milton Berle had a reputation for stealing other comedians’ jokes).

Youngman was staying at the exclusive downtown Westgate Hotel. He told me the booking agent that brought him to San Diego was responsible for the hotel.

This place is so exclusive room service has an unlisted number.”

He said he was driving around town before the show. He was looking for a parking place and found it near the library.
“All I had for the meter was a Canadian dime, so when I put it in a Mountie came up and gave me a ticket.

More on Berle in a later column.

CLASSIC Youngman One-liner “I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.” 

IS IT ME? – Is it me, or am I the only one struggling to hear dialogue in several of the TV dramas because of the background music, which is anything but “background.” An example: the CW’s “Valor” has background music that probably delights the younger generations, but I doubt they haven’t a clue as to what is going on or being said by the actors. It could be my TV, but I have two and it’s the same on both sets.

RIGHT IS RIGHT! — We should stop calling them all ‘Entitlements’. Welfare, Food Stamps, etc. are not entitlements. They are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn’t be called entitlements at all. Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.

INQUIRING MINDS — If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

WORD POWER — Redneck (n.), popular term for a rustic male, but rarely
employed when addressing one in person.

DUMB HEDS — “Affirmative action benefits broad” — Ypsilanti (Mich.) Press,
Sept. 9, 1998. 

FINAL WORDS — A Vermont widow wrote this epitaph on her husband’s
tombstone: “
Sacred to the memory of my husband, John Barnes, who died Jan.
3, 1803
. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications as a good
wife, and yearns to be comforted.” 

Humorous or human-interest stories or notes for my osidenews.com column can be forwarded via e-mail to me at: quotetaker@msn.com